Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
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those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
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Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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