Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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