Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
