wrigley field is MILF paradise
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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