Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
