best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
