put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
