I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
