The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
