Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
