thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
