Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
