I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
