Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
