yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
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some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
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You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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