Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
