Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i dont even know how to be here
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
