True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
