Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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