3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
