i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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