No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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