you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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