there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
two words...techno handjob
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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