rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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