I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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