he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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