STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
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So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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