i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
