3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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