I heard we made out
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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