i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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