so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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