She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
