I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
