I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
