I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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