You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
