Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
