Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
BRING THE BAGELS
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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