Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
