I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
