Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
