fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
