LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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