he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
