I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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