your room smells of hookers.
And success
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she pinky promised me she was 18
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
