I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
