Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
