im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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