btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
