The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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