I'd wear matching sweaters with you
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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