it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
time to smoke my breakfast
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
