omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
