somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
