Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
