There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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