If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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