Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
