Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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