I'm lost and stupid without you.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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