lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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