I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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