hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
