I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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