Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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