My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
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