matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
