If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
