things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
