Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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