There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
