You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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