are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
