I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize