We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
